I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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