I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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