were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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