he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize