Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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