dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
