soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize