update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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