i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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