Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
