operation harelip BJ is a go
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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