I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
