if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
