now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
