there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize