Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
