can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
