well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize