I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
