When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
