That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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