I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
