jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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