Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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