He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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