We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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