I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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