how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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