Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
