I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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