Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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