What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
