I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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