The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
