it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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