You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
