it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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