what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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