I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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