i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
