You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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