im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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