Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
