I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was like eating out sand paper
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
