Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
