Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
