We won't sleep together?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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