Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
