Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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