Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
