are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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