I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
