Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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