I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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