I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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