Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
