grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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