got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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