dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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