After last night, I could never be a politician.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
