dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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