Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
