but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize