ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
