chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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