I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
