so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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