I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
