Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
