i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
