Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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