Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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